I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
