you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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