Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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