You just made me feel so damn special
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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