peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
