FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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