the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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