Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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