I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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