I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
