she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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