I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
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I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
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The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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