I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
A bitchslap is in order.
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