Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
