I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
