So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
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Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
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I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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