the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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