dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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