You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
