Got a toothbrush?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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