I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
