i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
