I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
