Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
