please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
