I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
what the fuck happened to the tacos
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
