Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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