Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
