Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
