i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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