you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
