I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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