need another drink. this is the easiest way
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
