yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
