I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Fuck appropriateness.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
