My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Boobs are out for the taking
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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