yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
