does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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