she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
