When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize