dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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