Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
