guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
