Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
