I want to have your abortion
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize