I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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