Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
