someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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