Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
birth control should be required to get into college
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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