Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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