I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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