I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
