You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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