I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
