It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
