remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
