Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
