I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
