He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
"it" just moved
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
