There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
