Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
bring money and cleavage
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
