You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
