I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.