I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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