And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
