I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
