oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
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He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
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Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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