When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
