Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
